RELUCTANT PRESS

"Audrey dear, that's lovely. Now you can sit right there while I change into something more suitable for tonight."

She was treating me as a woman all right and it thrilled me. The slip she had removed was pink as were her panties, bra and girdle. She changed everything for a champagne-colored set of undies and to do this she had to appear for a Moment or two in front of me in the all-together.

She had done this when I was a child, of course, but to do it now showed that she took her assumed sex of me pretty seriously. I had arrived -we were real girls together!

It was 5.30.

"Audrey dear, I must go and begin the dinner. I may call on you to do a few trivial jobs you can lay the table if you like. In any case, Mrs. Murphy should be here any Moment now to help me cook or, more truthfully perhaps, I help her to do the dinner. I only use her once every six months but she is well worth it. Do find an excuse to come into the kitchen when she is here. I'd love her to see you."

Just then, the doorbell rang.

It was Mrs. Murphy, our Irish chef.

I expected her to be oldish but she wasn't, she was youngish, in her late thirties I'd say, and not unattractive either.

She called me 'Miss Audrey' and accepted me at face value.

There was still loads of time so I went into the sitting room and read VOGUE for thirty minutes before starting on the table.

Jessica and Merle were the first to arrive and I opened the door to them.

Jessica knew I was coming for the weekend so she had a head start I suppose. She stared at me for a studied Moment or two and then said, "My God, darling, it's YOU! How utterly marvelous you look! My Desmond didn't look a patch on you, love. Merle, dear, doesn't he look utterly divine? Just look at those gorgeous hips and legs!"

JOYCE'S GIRLS BY JOYCE

"Aubrey dear, you look fantastic. I'll bet a hundred quid tonight that the other girls will never see through this wonderful disguise. Obviously we must call you Audrey, what else? Hell, but you do look good; if you are dealt a royal flush tonight I think you will deserve it, don't you agree Jess?"

Oh, Jess agreed all right!

The other women arrived within the next ten minutes and by 6:50 we were all seated and sipping aperitifs.

Little Audrey was just one of the girls, although Jess and Merle were dying to give me away to prove that they were IN on the school joke.

Here's a piece of mystique, if you like. Whenever I am dressed up, I am always extremely lucky. It never seems to miss. I ended up the evening 37 quid to flushes, both in hearts and one full house (one pair, one trip). It was lovely reaching for my cards in superbly lacquered nails, long and tapering.

When the 'gong' rang at 11:55 P.M., Jessica couldn't contain herself any longer. "Helen, love, we have just got to tell Sibyl, Sheila and Beryl who we have been playing with all night. Winning 'lady', stand up and reveal yourself!"

I stood up and slowly removed my wig.

"Sorry dears, but I'm a BOY. You can have the money back, if you insist."

I think Helen was a bit chipped that Jess took the law into her hands. After all, it wasn't her party. In any case the reception was ecstatic and certainly helped take the edge off Sheila's loss which was a fairly hefty 14 pounds, quite a lot of money in those days.

For me, the enjoyment of the evening could largely be attributed to the contrast between my despised army life at camp and the 'civilizing' femininity of that night, nay, weekend. It was like a breath of fresh air.

I did eventually return to my flat, my clarinet and my grand piano, and, ultimately, the Big Time.

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